is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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