He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
