I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
