# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
