there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
