Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
