Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
