sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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