You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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