I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
