i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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