Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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