The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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