Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
