Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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