People with herpes should wear stickers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
