My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
