im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
