the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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