I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
