If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
