my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
