Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
