does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
