DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
