I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Mom said you looked used
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
