I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
