YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
