Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
