why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
