I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
