I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
