Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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