How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
