i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
