I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize