If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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