Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The adults are the big ones right?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
