these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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