I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
