an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
