It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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