I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize