That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
