I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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