Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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