me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
