He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize