I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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