The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
