I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
