Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
