the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
