I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish you could order shots online.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
