Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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