I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
