I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
