At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
