went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
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