We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
