Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
