She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
