Please, let me fuck your mom
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
