peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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