i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
