The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
