I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
