If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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